6 posts from 2006

The last year, I've felt like my whole life has just been a series of steps towards my greater goals--Wes, Hawaii, academic freedom.  Often during the last year, my private blog entries reflect a frustration with how slow the race had been going, and how I felt so trapped by my circumstances.  After a really exhausting week in which I graduated, went to New Bloomfield, came back to Springfield to pack, went back to New Bloomfield, became what sure felt like deathly ill, and spent more time than anyone should in Phoenix's airport, I've clawed my way over that finish line.

I don't know if I've got the energy quite yet to make a lengthy post about what I feel and notice here, so I'll be pretty brief on all of it:

Graduation:

When I transferred to SMS, I had a 2.1 GPA and an F on my transcript.  The very first day I was a student here, I sat in my advisor's office and told her one of my academic objectives was to earn an honors diploma, and graduate cum laude.  My advisor, who's really a goddess, said to me that while that was a worthy goal, she didn't think my grades reflected that I could do it.

I've had a 4.0 GPA for my last 3 semesters, and last week my final GPA was 3.41, a tenth of a point over the cutoff for a cum laude diploma.  This is a character moment for me--I worked my ass off for that honor.  I did it while working at the library, while I was an RA, while I was planning a wedding, while I was directing a show.  I did right by my kids during student teaching.  It's that work that justifies to me that I can do anything I put my mind to.

Hawaii:

The house is easily the nicest home I've ever lived in.  There's nothing in it now--just a few clothes, the tech stuff we could bring, and an airbed--but the potential in the place is amazing.  We have a yard.  And a patio.  And a garage.  Literally every aspect of this home is done just right for me, and it's incredible.  I'm pretty sure we've lost about 100 square feet in this place, but I'm not sure how--we have more rooms, and almost all those rooms are bigger--the bathroom's pretty easily twice as big, the master bedroom is as well, the living room feels bigger but it might be smaller, etc.  I'm actually a little sad about it--we'll only have two years here.  I could live my life happy in a house like this.

The rest of the area is astonishing.  We went to the base yesterday--I saw my first nuclear sub, and got to see the USS Missouri at a distance (yes, it's huge).  The NEX is essentially a compact version of Walmart, with the best damn liquor selection I've seen at excellent prices (Grey Goose is the cheap stuff compared to most of that place).  The wines, they're amazing--I don't recall all the names and prices, but Beringer Private vintage is like $11.  I love Beringer.  The island itself is glorious--it's truly extraordinary to walk out the door and see those deep green mountains rising only a few miles away.  It feels perfect.

Wes:

We watch a lot of the History Channel, which of course is loaded up with Jesus stuff right now.  I'm not religious, and likely never will be, but I keep thinking of something I've thought of a lot over the last few months.  I can understand religious love now, because I have been given something more wonderful than I could ever have imagined, and which I could never have earned.  It's been great to be with him again, and to know he won't be gone in a few days--this is for the long haul.  I've worried a lot about "readjustment"--getting used to living with him again, being married again, and yet, like every time I'm with him, even though there's a lot of challenges to the living part (he's not so much a slob as a life-size gerbil), the emotional stuff has always been the easiest thing I've ever done.  And I am so glad to be back.

Actually, I didn't.  I'm 14 days from graduating college.  I've been thinking about my life between this impending graduation and the last one I went through, so this fun-filled post will be about things that have happened to me and what I would have thought of them at seventeen:

If you had told me at seventeen that...

1.  I would be one of the last of my peers to graduate college

2.  I would one day get blitzed with Vy Manivannan

3.  I would swear off law school plans and decide to be a teacher

4.  I would date so many guys in such rapid succession that they became collectively known as the Miami Series

5.  I would get married at all

6.  I would flunk French and nearly earn a D in Intro Public Speaking

7.  My debate career had seen its best days come and go

8.  After a year, I'd end up back in Springfield

9.  I would direct a play

10.  I would be competent with a drill and a band saw

...I would have laughed in your face.

This isn't how I thought my life would turn out, by a long shot.  By my estimation at seventeen, by this time in my life I should have already begun law school at a second tier university, slaving away to maintain my near-constant 3.8 GPA, drinking hard with the boys from class.  At seventeen, I thought I would be Miamian to the core by this time, with a few sexy Cuban boys under my belt (no one told me that all my sexy Cuban boys would be gay).  I thought I'd be deadly smart and a fashionista to boot.  I would have at least one good showing at a national tournament.

I'd have proved myself to a person I thought would still matter to me at 23.  I would have proven him wrong about me.

What didn't occur to me at all at age 17 was that I would begin to value my own opinions of myself over the years between then and today.  I'd realize I was sexy enough, and smart enough, and charming enough to be successful.  I'd be good enough for myself, and good enough for someone so much better than me.  I'd keep the friendships I could not live without, and cut out most of the bullshit.  I'd be happy with staying home without a date or a party on the weekends.  I'd love someone passionately without the drama.

For the most part, I'm happy with the direction my life has taken.  There are people I wish I was still friends with, like Tony and Nick and some of my other deviant friends from high school, and I regret not picking up the phone more often to call Carlos and Adrienne and Jorie, or for that matter Anna and K-Town and Eapen (well, Eaps I don't have to call...).  Then again, all those friends of mine must know by now that I'm generally phone phobic, and I hope forgive me the fault.

By the time I'm 29...I don't want to predict the direction of my life.  I learned early that sometimes I come to the edge of a metaphorical precipice, and unlike many people, I'll blindly throw myself off it.  I'm moving to Hawaii with no career prospects, small graduate school potential, and no social circle except my husband.  I have no idea where we'll land when we're verging on 30, but at least there's someone else to throw himself over the edge with me.

For those of you who haven't followed college football at all, last weekend UM's team sunk to a new behavioral low by starting a brawl in the Orange Bowl with FIU, with one player using his helmet as a weapon.  You know, once upon a time I took classes with the players, had friends in common with Ken Dorsey, and picked up extra cash tutoring players in English, and there were good guys on that team.  These guys...we're back to the thugs of UM Football.

And, from The Onion:

CORAL GABLES, FL—University of Miami head football coach Larry Coker, afraid of being scapegoated and fired in the wake of Saturday's brawl involving Hurricanes players and those from Florida International University, defended himself by suspending 13 players, taking full responsibility for disciplining his team, and swinging a Hurricanes football helmet at the heads of athletic director Paul Dee and chancellor Donna Shalala during a press conference Wednesday. "What happened was unfortunate and does not reflect our character as a team or my philosophy as a coach," said Coker, grasping the helmet by the faceguard and delivering repeated blows to Shalala's face and neck. "However, I believe that dismissing me at this time would in fact send the wrong message about discipline to our players and the wrong message about the University of Miami to the public." Dee was physically unable to comment or breathe after the press conference, but Shalala seemed to indicate that she would handle the matter internally as soon as she stopped bleeding internally.

Calling all Mac users!  The good folks at Potion Factory have released a beta of their new software, called Tangerine.  Tangerine will analyze your iTunes library for beat intensity, making it easier to create playlists for, say working out.  Speaking as someone who has had Bright Eyes and My Morning Jacket coming up in my iPod while biking to and from school, this sounds like a fantastic little app.  Go show some support and download it now.  Also, if you blog about it, they'll send you a license for free.